This is the time to boost self love! During the fall season the energy of the heart is strong! This is a great time to decide to chose yourself. This October there is a full moon in Aries. The fire energy needed to burn through resistance is present, if we can access it within ourselves. I found myself focusing on exactly what I say I don't want! Limiting beliefs can force us to perpetuate the wanting of a thing rather than the having the desires of your heart.
I am reminded of a poem called For My People that I memorized when I was a teenager: ...bending their knees nightly to an unseen god ...all the while needing shoes and food and....
For My People
BY MARGARET WALKER
For my people everywhere singing their slave songs
repeatedly: their dirges and their ditties and their blues
and jubilees, praying their prayers nightly to an
unknown god, bending their knees humbly to an
unseen power;
For my people lending their strength to the years, to the
gone years and the now years and the maybe years,
washing ironing cooking scrubbing sewing mending
hoeing plowing digging planting pruning patching
dragging along never gaining never reaping never
knowing and never understanding;
WRITE AFFIRMATIONS IN THE AFFIRMATIVE
I saw one of my old journal entries that stated: I want to be useful and dynamic in the world. I scratched out "want" and wrote: I am useful and dynamic in the world. I am useful and dynamic in the world. Even if I don't produce or perform anything else, my presence here matters! Your presence here matters!
This is how we can pray or affirm and yet still find ourselves needing: we desire one thing but affirm the want of that thing instead. "Praying to an unseen power" ..."Never reaping never gaining and never understanding"... in this case, for me, means subconsciously believing that based on my shadow operating instructions what I desire is not possible to have. The concept of personal operating instructions came from the book on examining the shadow self called Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliot https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50915816-existential-kink
So if I stay in that mind set, I will never reap, nor gain.
However if I choose me and chose to rewrite those operating instructions, I can manifest the desires of my heart. I can reap the seeds that I have sown and gain more loving acceptance of myself.
In the Spring, I sowed seeds of self awareness and greater self acceptance. It has been a hard row to hoe, as my mother used to say. The process has been uncomfortable. When I uncovered the key belief that limits love in my life, I was like: oh my goodness, is this what I believe about love? As I examined the role love plays in my adult life, I can see evidence of the belief: Love must be limited.
This fall as I reflect on my personal harvest I can see how have grown. I extend loving kindness to my younger selves because I suffered under a spell of self loathing. That spell was cast by the media that reflects the society in which I live. It is a colonialist, patriarchal system that is designed to maintain an underclass made of women and those who are not White. Self hatred is a key ingredient to this system of oppression. The oppression is not just in housing or the workplace, it is in the absence of love and pleasure.
These 2 clips have been pivotal in reframing my idea of pleasure. Women have been "psychically milked" and kept from this place of power.
Here are a couple of clips that talk about the role of colonialism and patriarchy in love in Black Women's lives.
https://youtu.be/ISKEnvcRmMs - Adrianne Maree Brown
https://youtu.be/aWmq9gw4Rq0 - Audry Lorde
There are cultural norms that encourage many girls to question their lovability. Now in the fall of this year, I choose to accept the belief that limited me as necessary for the time, based on the circumstances. Those circumstances no longer exist. Patriarchy still exists, but I am woke! Awakened and keenly aware this and other systems that have kept me "dragging along never reaping never gaining never knowing and never asking why. "
What am I harvesting? I am allowing myself to accept more love.
