This is one of the hardest truths I have ever shared. Even as I type this, my hands hesitate because it was a traumatic experience that required me to dig deep into myself for the courage to stand alone against a man who regularly intimidated me he even held me down a few times. I say alone, because no one could end the emotional abuse, but me.
One day I was housesitting for a friend and I had a couple of weeks away from the house we shared to think. I felt like a failure because despite my education and advocacy for others, I allowed myself to get into this abusive relationship. I was so embarrassed. I was paralyzed and could not speak on the matter. Something had to change. So I chose to change myself.
The most difficult part: feeling that without him I would be alone. When I was rushed to the hospital because of an allergic reaction, he would not take my calls, probably because he was with someone else. He tried to rush in, but I knew he really didn’t care or he would have taken my call. I was holding on to him because I thought at least he will be there for me in an emergency. He was not. He pushed my emotional buttons and re-traumatized me every time I was gaining inner strength.
That is why the first spiritual step I took to prepare to leave an abusive relationship is:
Step 1 - Make a silent decision. When you decide the relationship will end to save yourself, don’t tell him or anyone else.
Step 2 - Create a meditation space. When I decided to leave, I was still afraid of being without alone. The main thing I needed when preparing to leave was to bolster my spiritual support. Before I began, I asked my then partner, if he would mind if I took over that space. You don’t want any conflicts surrounding the sacred space you are creating. I didn’t tell him this change had anything to do with our relationship. On a weekend when he was again out of town, I painted the walls of my space blue and bought new things for the space. Blue is a color I resonate with regarding spirituality. You may find another color works for you.
Step 3 - Sing in the shower to boost your self esteem. While sitting in my newly created meditation space, I was led to sing in the shower. Somehow I found the perfect song Masterpiece by Jazzmine Sullivan. Water is a conductor of energy. It can be imprinted with healing though and words. Singing is a Lemurian Earth Priestess tool that raises your vibration. It is used by many cultures for worship or prayer. Adding water and singing together is a recipe for a major vibration boost. One day I was singing my uplift song in the shower and my ex-partner called in to ask what I was singing. He could feel the energy I was generating around myself.
Step 4 - Cultivate relationships away from your partner. When my mother passed away, I felt really alone. I had been singing the alone refrain for most of my life, but I never felt so alone as when I was in the same house with a man who ignored me most of the time and had a completely separate life and was hateful when he did notice me. I reached out to cousins in another state and began to visit.
Once I decided to leave, I was energetically supported by my ancestors and emotionally supported by 2 friends.
Don’t make a move until you have a plan and support. See the links for leaving an abusive relationship and domestic violence help.
These are steps I took to gently move myself out of a frozen state of trauma. This is how I became spiritually and emotionally ready to gain the courage to tell someone about my situation. You can use these steps for as long as you need and even afterward. Using these steps consistently for a year, boosted my self esteem enough to force the abusive man out of my house and life. He did not go without a fight. I will tell you that story another time!